I Couldn't Find a Table to Sit at So I Made My Own

Don't worry, I saved you a seat.

Sep 09, 2023

I want to be honest with everyone here (and by everyone I mean my one subscriber who is probably my Mother), I have no fucking idea how to use Substack.

I’ve migrated over to this forum because, well, not to point out the obvious, but I’m a writer and this seems like the place where writers hang out.

I’ve always searched for a group of like-minded writers, people that understand the constant push and pull that comes with being creative.

Growing up, I remember watching those cheesy rom-coms that took place in high school. There was always those set lunch tables in the movies. The jocks table. The Artists’ table. The nerds table. The theatre table.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m a SUCKER for a good rom-rom, but I always remember thinking “Where’s the writer’s table? Where are MY people?”

*incoming light-bulb/ah-ha moment*

I’ve decided Substack will be my writers table. It will be the place where I share my writing, with other writers and strangers along the way. I’ll be honest, I’ll be vulnerable, I’ll be raw, but most importantly, I’ll be me.

So what’s everyone having for lunch? I hope you’ve come hungry (I know I have. No seriously, my stomach is literally making strange alien noises). Let’s open up our lunch boxes together; I’ll trade you my Cape Cod chips for your Chips Ahoy cookies, we’ll share stories and talk about what turns out writers brains on.

Take a seat at my lunch table, you CAN sit with me (Mean Girl reference, please tell me you get it).

OK — moving on from all the food talk because I’m 5 minutes away from ordering Chipotle and I don’t have 20 minutes to spare sitting on the toilet.

Anyways, back to Substack. I put off sharing on this platform because, to be honest, I had no idea and still don’t really know how to use it. Learning new things gives me anxiety.

I’m that person that will pull an irish-exit the moment anyone starts talking about playing a board game that I have to learn the rules to. If I even see Catan or the game Sorry out of the corner of my eye, I’m faking my own death. Dramatic? No. It’s strategic.

Recently, I’ve decided to push myself out of my comfort zone. Maybe not with board games, because I’m taking baby steps, but I’ve grown enough balls to write this blog post and share it on Substack.

Change used to scare me. It still kind of does. Even typing this and realizing how my life has done a 180 since last year makes my chest feel tight, like a 100 pound elephant is sitting right on top of it. Sometimes it makes me sad to think about how much has changed and sometimes it makes me feel fulfilled. Change is inevitable, but how you handle it is up to you.

One year ago my life was drastically different, which is something I’ll share more about as I get the hang of this learning curve on Substack (sometimes I feel 28 going on 80).

From where I lived, to the people that were the most important in my life who have now turned into strangers, to the strangers that have turned into my support-system, to even the length of my hair, everything is different.

This time last year, I was starting to fall in love with someone. I was excitingly packing my suitcase, about to embark on a trip to Europe to spend time with this person. I was so happy. It was a happiness I’ve never experienced before. My nervous system felt calm for the first time in a long time, the way the ocean slowly kisses the shore right when the sun comes up. That type of calm.

Today, I’m also falling in love. This time, it’s with myself. I’m falling in love with the strength I’ve experienced within me and the resilience I’ve found to pull myself up on my hardest days. I’m falling in love with spending time alone with myself and my thoughts. I’m falling in love with the hobbies I’ve picked up that I never thought would interest me, like working in my garden and growing some juicy ass tomatoes, to discovering a new found obsession with my grill (also — now I totally get why all you guys out there LOVE grilling with a beer in your hand. I mean, I do it with wine, but I get it.), to being that type of person that does house projects.

Life has a weird way of working out for you. If there’s one time I’ve learned in this past year, it’s that when things feel like shit, when life feels like it’s thrown you a curveball that has absolutely de-railed you, making you feel like you’ve fallen into a black hole that you’ll never be able to crawl out of, that is exact moment when everything actually is working out for you.

The moment you feel like you’re breaking, is actually when you’re becoming.

*Me to myself: damnnnn that list line was good.*

SO — welcome to my Writer’s Table. All beverages (especially coffee and wine) and food are welcome. Please notify me if you have a nut-allergy or any dietary restrictions.

Thanks for being here! More content coming soon. I’d give you a sneak peak about what article # 2 is going to be, but truthfully, I have not a clue.